If the bank manager was God

If the bank manager was God, each child would probably be welcomed with a letter such as:

Dear _____

Welcome to life.  We are pleased to inform you that we have opened a new account for you, and that it has an initial balance of 70 (which is non-transferable).  There is a 1 unit debit per year for service charges.  If you fail to maintain a positive balance your account will be immediately terminated, and all your activities audited.

You are encouraged to invest your resources wisely.  In so doing some people have managed to add 10, 20 or even 40 to their balance through careful investment in lifestyles, diet, and exercise.  Conversely, others have experienced significant losses due to unwise expenditure. 

You may acquire other forms of assets during your life, although you should realize that most of these will be non-realizable as credit on termination of your account.  They may, however, temporarily help your lifestyle decisions and any related investment choices (e.g. being nice, learning to forgive, etc.).

Be alert that theft is a real risk.  This may be through subtle scams (e.g. "try these fun drugs" or "smoking is so cool"), or by blatant robbery (e.g. wars, famine, muggings, murder, or dread disease).  Such events could rapidly reduce your balance to zero.  There is no insurance policy against theft and the management takes no responsibility for these eventualities.  We remind you to be thankful that you have any credit balance to start with.

When your account is terminated all additional assets will be converted at the prevailing exchange rate.  However, as just about every asset has a net exchange value of zero, these will be of little final benefit.  Hence we would advise you to not put much hope in the perceived value of any of these assets.

There is of course the one asset of value that is freely available from the management on request.  You may choose to receive this gift at any time.  However, to do so you will be required to agree to joint power of attorney on all your assets.   Further, you carry responsibility for the care of this asset through to the account termination in order for it to have any final exchange value. 

Should your final audited balance (after all asset conversions) be non-zero and positive, then a new account with unlimited credit will be opened in your name and placed at your disposal.  If not, then unfortunately you will be subject to all due bankruptcy proceedings.

We wish you a happy life (although the odds are not in your favour).

Yours sincerely,

The Auditors.

Fortunately, God's accountancy is a little more personal.