Life is full of anxiety already, my stress is high, I have enough on my plate.
What if God is calling me to something new? Sigh!
How do I feel if I suspect God is calling me for something new within St. Barnabas?
Is he REALLY calling ME?
I think I would probably feel trepidation, fear and not keen at all.
1. Because I hate change, I am really quite comfortable as I am now.
2. Because I will have to give of my time and as we all know, time is precious. After all, I work, run a home, garden, read, watch a couple of TV programmes, exercise, have a few friends I must see, see my family, have quiet time, etc. I am always figuring out ways to save time ( but what do I do with all the time I save?).
3. Because I do not have the confidence to do whatever I suspect HE is calling me to do. ( Maybe I will get support from other church members, so it does not rest entirely on me. In fact, I am sure I will get encouragement and help).
What I would like to feel is excitement, confidence, thrilled that I can do something that is needed. I am not incapable, after all, I CAN work, I CAN run a home, I CAN garden, I CAN read and I CAN socialise. I can also LEARN new things.
So, God, I think I will be more receptive when you call. I will be like one of our church members who quietly and confidently said “ I am here to be used, so please use me”.
And he is being used and has really made a difference and, if he can, we can.
Oh come on! I mean, just tell me, on what grounds do you think you're going to say no? Really?
So God comes along and says "Hey, can you come and help me here?" God. That's right, the one who made the atoms and the universe. You're going to say no to him? Of course not.
But, what if I haven't really heard properly, or I only think he might be calling me. Well then, that's like road signs - "Oh sorry officer, I missed that one-way sign back there, I was going so fast I didn't quite catch it."
If we're really honest with ourselves, the problem is really one of trust: "Who? Me? Surely not! I'm not capable. And what will people think?"
But if its GOD - that's right, that same one of the atoms and universe - who says "I want YOU", then simply wow! I mean, he wants me!
Who here would turn down an opportunity to be a back up musician for Bono, or a chance to dine with Kate Middleton, or go on a trip with David Attenborough, or help out Peter Jackson?
Those are chicken feed compared to helping God.
Let's be really, really honest. Isn't the question actually one of whether I trust that God is driving?
What I really need to do is acknowledge that "Yes, he IS calling me to engage in StB", take to heart David's wisdom "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding", and just say YES.
Heck, I hope not!
I hate anything new or threatening as I can't even cope with the slightest change to my routine.
I am fairly set in my ways, happy with my job and family and feel that what I do at St Barnabas is suited to my personality talents and giftedness, so why should I contemplate anything new.
It will just upset me and take me out of my comfort zone. More than that, I have been going to the same place every Christmas for my family holiday and really enjoy it.
Okay I suppose I should be more open and pray about it. Maybe it won't be as bad as I think.